Surprise!

Over the last couple weeks, we decided to start acupuncture in the month of November and start trying again around New Years. Well, that was the plan....

About five days before I was to start a new cycle, I started experiencing a bit of nausea on and off and my breasts were sometimes sore and felt heavier than usual. I knew before I took the test on Friday to confirm it: I am pregnant.

I am hoping that the fact that I was feeling sick before the 4th week is a sign of a healthy pregnancy.

I am trying to be optimistic. I am trying to even acknowledge the fact that I am pregnant. It doesn't really seem a reality at this point. I don't think I've accepted the possibility that the pregnancy might last for more than a few weeks, yet I haven't accepted the possibility that I may go through another miscarriage a month from now. None of it seems real.

I have my first acupuncture appointment with Michelle on Thursday. It's certainly not ideal to be just starting treatment when I'm already pregnant, but I'm hoping that it will be of enough benefit to help.

I called the clinic today as well to see about coming in for an early ultrasound. Dr. Gustin is supposed to call me back this afternoon.

I'm just going to try to take this one day at a time. God is in control.

Another Pregnant Friend

Oh yeah, one more bit of information...

In our church group of about 10-12 couples, we and one other couple have been the only childless ones, and I just found out last week that Michelle is pregnant (on the first try no less)!

I'm happy for her. They are very excited.

I guess I just have a twinge of jealousy, and it makes our losses stand out even more to me. I don't want to be the only one.

Getting Healthy

Wow, it's hard to believe it's been a month.

I haven't had any more tests done, and I've run out of "spending money" on our crappy insurance plan. We now have to pay $1,000 out of pocket before I'm covered again.

Over the last month, I've been reading The Infertility Cure. I've changed my diet - no dairy, organic whole food whenever possible. I'm not being militant about it, but I'm trying to make good choices. I've also been taking supplements for the last month: bee pollen, damiana, vitex, astragalus, nettle, calcium.

I've totally switched from coffee to tea. I've only had one cup of coffee in a month. I never thought I would be satisfied with a morning without coffee, but I rarely even miss it anymore.

I've been trying to be patient about waiting for acupuncture. We don't have the money for it right now. I'm hoping within the next month or two...

My overall mood and feelings of wellbeing have greatly improved, so I think I am helping my body get to where it needs to be.

So anyway, pretty boring update, but I felt I needed to write something for the month of September.

No Closer

The nurse called with my latest lab results this morning:

7dpo Progesterone: 13.57
T3: 2.8
T4: 1.2

All normal.

Now that so many things seem to be ruled out, I feel farther yet from an answer.

I'm going to start reading about vitamin deficiencies.

The Purpose of Challenges

Grace sent me this message last week, and I thought it really touched where I am at right now:

I had a thought about your medical challenges that I wanted to pass on to you. It's not a well developed thought, so bear with me.

I've been thinking that God sends us challenges (any challenge) primarily to strengthen our characters. In modern times, we get used to the idea that things have a definite (physical, worldly) cause and can be 'fixed'. This is not to say that they don't have a fixable cause, but only that God doesn't send us challenges primarily just to solve them. He sends them so we can learn something whether we solve them or not.

I just felt like I should tell you that. Hopefully, you will find the root of your problems and be able to fix it, but regardless, you are still accomplishing what God really intended by the challenge which is growth in Him.

Lately I have been wondering when do we just go ahead despite not having an answer. I think it would be irresponsible to do so without making sure my hormones were in balance, but what next after that? What if the latest test results are normal as well? When do we just let go and trust God for whatever happens?

There is a purpose for all this, and even though I don't understand it, I can feel it. I know that this has changed me a lot, and it has changed me for the better, even though I would have never in a million years chosen it for myself. Funny thing is, now, I wouldn't wish it all away. I'm glad we are going through this in some unexplainable way. Well, maybe "glad" isn't the right word, but I wouldn't take these experiences back - painful as they may be, because it is shaping us in a positive way. I don't believe that God made these things happen to us, but he allowed it, and he's working through it for his glory, even if that is hard to see at times. The hardest part for me is not knowing whether we will ever have our own children. Miscarriages are traumatic - they're horrible - but the unknown future is really the hardest part for me.

The Gist Of It

I've done a lot of reading about thyroid in the last day, and basically what I've learned is that hypothyroidism can sometimes be difficult to diagnose. There is a whole panel of necessary tests, and even then, the tests may not show a problem. As many as 1/3 of people suffering from hypothyroidism have normal blood test results. That seems very surprising. In many of the articles I read - specifically those dealing more in holistic medicine - a lot of emphasis is placed on a low BBT as an important symptom, a symptom that should be taken into serious consideration even when blood tests appear normal.

If money wasn't an issue, I would make an appointment with a doctor that treats holistically first thing Monday morning. But we don't have money right now, so I need to be somewhere within our network. I just worry that the traditional medical world may not take me seriously, especially if further blood tests come back normal. I guess getting the rest of the tests done is a place to start. Maybe the results will clearly reveal a deficiency.

Thyroid Research

I haven't completely digested this yet, but I think it may be significant information for me:

The amount of thyroid hormone manufactured by the thyroid gland is primarily governed by the pituitary gland, which produces TSH. The amount of TSH delivered to the thyroid gland tells the thyroid how much thyroid hormone to manufacture. T4 is the main thyroid hormone produced by the thyroid. A well regulated process causes T4 to lose iodine, generating the much more potent thyroid hormone T3. The amount of T3 present in the brain must remain within optimal range to keep the body functioning properly and is crucial for maintaining physical and mental health. Thyroid peroxidase, TPO, is an enzyme that aids the synthesis of thyroid hormone. In 90% of patients with Hashimoto's there is the presence of high levels of these antibodies. Individuals with other autoimmune disorders often have high TPO levels, as do women with polycysctic ovaries. Since early identification of antibodies can result in treatment to improve patient health and well being, testing TPO in those with sub-clinical hypothyroidism can be beneficial. Thyroid imbalance not only effects body weight, but also mood, emotions, behavior, sex life, menstrual problems, infertility, depression and anxiety disorders.

The thyroid gland produces two hormones: T4 (80%) and T3 (20%). Each thyroid hormone is made up of a tyrosine (protein) surrounded by four (T4) and three (T3) iodines. T4 is the "inactive," while T3 is the "active" component. Thyroid hormones set metabolic activity and are thus responsible for the speed at which every enzyme action in the body takes place. When the thyroid gland produces T4, it is taken up by every cell in the body, and converted into T3 which produces activity within the cell. When thyroid hormones are transported in the blood they are "bound" to a protein, Thyroid Binding Globulin (TBG), that temporarily holds them inactive. This protein may be manipulated by many illnesses and medication. Therefore, the measurement of the unbound, "free" levels of T3 and T4 thyroid hormones as conducted in blood spot testing at ZRT Laboratory is the most accurate.

Functional Thyroid Deficiency when free T3, free T4 and TSH are within normal range but symptoms (particularly a low basal temperature) are consistent with a hypothyroid state, a functional thyroid deficiency may exist. In this case, adequate thyroid is present but the tissues fail to respond. This functional thyroid deficiency or "thyroid resistance" is often caused by autoimmune thyroiditis (Hashimoto's) which can be identified using Thyroid Peroxidase Antibody - TPO testing. Other causes of functional thyroid deficiency are estrogen dominance (excessive estrogens in the absence of adequate progesterone), low anabolic steroids (testosterone and DHEAS), and/or adrenal imbalance (low or high cortisol). If thyroid resistance is suspected (i.e. thyroid tests are normal but sumptoms indicate hypothyroidism), salilva testing for stradiol, progesterone, testosterone, DHEAS and am/pm cortisol is strongly recommended.

More information on the function of T4 in relation to TSH:

If the T4 level is low and TSH is not elevated, the pituitary gland is more likely to be the cause for the hypothyroidism. Of course, this would drastically effect the treatment since the pituitary gland also regulates the body's other glands (adrenals, ovaries, and testicles) as well as controlling growth in children and normal kidney function. Pituitary gland failure means that the other glands may also be failing and other treatment than just thyroid may be necessary. The most common cause for the pituitary gland failure is a tumor of the pituitary and this might also require surgery to remove.

Unsatisfied

I'm just not convinced that I don't have a thyroid problem. The girls on the fertility board said I should have had more than just the TSH test. I wish I knew that ahead of time, or I wish the nurse would have thought it would have been a good idea. Frustrating. So, I should get my T3 and T4 tested as well.

This is interesting: I started drinking apple cider vinegar last Monday. It's great for a lot of things, and one of those things is thyroid support. Well, I've been kinda confused the last few days because it's around ovulation time, and for the last three out of four days my temp has been 97.7, and at first I thought I ovulated a little early, though post-O temps are usually a bit higher for me, but my cervix is still high and I have lots of fluid. So, I'm sure I haven't ovulated yet. The connection between thyroid and vinegar just dawned on me, and I really think it is what is boosting my body temperature. I don't know if that is another indication of a possible thyroid deficiency, but I think it's certainly worth considering. It's been consistently up about .4 degrees higher since I introduced vinegar into my diet.

Also, I just found this while I was researching:

"Barnes Basal Temperature Test: Place a thermometer at your bedside, and as soon as you wake up, before you step out of bed, place the thermometer under your tongue for at least 3 minutes. If you are T3 deficient, you will find your basal temperature to be below 97.8°F (normal throughout the day is 98.6°F). If your first-thing-in-the-morning temperature is consistently low, it likely means that your basal (resting) metabolic rate is also low. You may also feel cold and tired."

I had read before that hypothyroidism causes low BBT's, but I didn't know that it is specifically the T3 that causes it. I don't yet understand if my TSH can come back normal while having a deficient T3. I have more reading to do.

I am just not ready to give up on this thyroid issue. I don't know if I just want to hold onto it for some hope or whether my intuition and symptom interpretation is correct. I need more answers. I am not satisfied yet.

Square One

My test came back normal. My TSH is 0.92. I feel so frustrated right now. What is wrong with me? What is causing these miscarriages? What is causing all these symptoms that seem just like hypothryroidism?